I Only Drink Coffee Ironically Now


I used to drink coffee because I needed it. Now I drink it because I need you to know I drink it. There's a difference. My beans are single-origin, obviously. Ethically sourced from a farm where the goats have names. I grind them by hand using a burr grinder I found at an estate sale. The previous owner? A retired barista from Portland. Yes, the other Portland. I've transcended caffeine addiction. Now it's more of a lifestyle. A vibe. A personality substitute. My pour-over takes exactly 4 minutes and 37 seconds. Any faster and you might as well drink Folgers. Any slower and you're just showing off. I'm not showing off. I'm just better at this than you.

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